I have blogged about my desire to stop drinking alcohol before. As you may know, my mother (and her mother too) were both raging alcoholics. I grew up picking my mother up off the floor, sometimes putting a pillow under her head and a blanket over her body on the kitchen floor because I couldn’t carry her to her bed. She was dead weight. I was embarrassed to have my friends over, because she would stumble into my room, a lit cigarette in hand, ashes dangling uncomfortably longer and longer until she caught them in her her other hand. She passed out at my father’s business dinners, and fell down often, usually hitting her head. Once she wore a scarf over her forehead for almost a year because the bump she had suffered would not go away and she refused to see a doctor. She crashed cars often. She drove inebriated with me and my brothers in the car.
Do I have a problem with alcohol? I don’t think so, at least from an alcoholic perspective. I don’t fall down from drinking. I don’t black out. I don’t slur my words or have a problem stopping once I have started.
Is drinking making me less healthy? I think so. Let me elaborate.
I think I have consumed alcohol seventy out of the last ninety days, or something like that. We drink wine all the time. My husband and I go to fancy (and casual) wine and food dinners often. We love good wines. Most of our friends drink often, and we drink with them.
“I need a drink,” I heard myself saying several times over the past few weeks. Need it? Really? That just can’t be good, can it? Yes, I have a stressful life, and I am an anxious person, but self-medicating with alcohol is certainly not the best solution. What is? I don’t know. But I do know this… I have not had a drink in a week. I do not remember feeling this good every day since I have stopped. I am up at six a.m., happy, and ready to face the day with energy and joy. I am not moody, or cranky, or sad. I love my husband madly. I love my children and my friends madly.
I have decided to stop drinking for eight weeks, just to see. I have tried it for a month before (and blogged about it), never successfully. This time it seems to be working. I actually do not want a drink most of the time. My husband is being unbelievably supportive, and he is reaping the benefits of my positive outlook. He is drinking less, which has to be a good thing.
So, if you are wondering why you have not seen me at the neighborhood watering holes, now you know. If we are having dinner together and I order Pellegrino with lime instead of a full-bodied glass of red wine, here is your explanation.
Will I drink again? I will let you know in eight weeks.