Getting Ready: Then vs. Now

When I was in my early twenties and living in the Big city it was pretty easy for me to get ready for a big event.  A week before I would:

Look in my closet and find something to wear,

Try it on to make sure it fit (if it didn’t fit I would go on a seven day starvation diet because I couldn’t afford to buy something new and I wasn’t going to buy something in a bigger size anyway because I really wasn’t “that” overweight),

Borrow the right shoes and bag from a friend if necessary,

Make sure I had a pair of control top pantyhose without a rip in them.

The day of the event I would:

Work out hard so I wouldn’t have to hold in my stomach as hard all night,

Drink a lot of Diet Coke all day,

Eat nothing.

Then I would go home and take shower,

Blow dry my own hair and hope for a miracle,

Put on some mascara and clear lip gloss, and

Hop on the bus.

In my early fifties now, preparing for a big event takes a lot more planning, money, and time.  I have a party tonight.  Here is how I have prepared so far.

Two weeks ago:

Went shopping for a new outfit.  Tried on many, took photos and sent them to my husband for approval, brought the finalists home for an in-house fashion show.  Returned the losers and hung the winner in my closet, to be looked at but not touched until party night.

Last week:

Visited plastic surgeon for injections and treatments in order to minimize bruising on event night.  Had my butt sculpted (very poor results noted), my face sculpted, and who knows what else.  Suffered immensely for three and a half hours.  Results? Inconclusive.

Today (party day):

Worked out hard,

Going for mani/pedi as current polish does not match tonight’s final outfit choice,

Getting hair done late this afternoon and still hopeful.  Any rain or humidity could have dire consequences.

Drinking coffee, water and green iced tea.  All colas have been removed from my diet as they now cause facial puffiness after even one sip.

What am I eating today pre-party? As much as possible.  Trying to plump my butt up for tonight’s outfit since the butt sculpting was unsuccessful.  Ends up that $250 treatment as advertised on “The Real Housewives of New York City” is $250 a week for the first month and then once a month forever after! First treatment yielded no benefits available to the naked eye (or even the contact lensed eye for that matter).  Next week… treatment number two.  I am still an optimist.  What I am wondering is, what did Ramona’s butt look like before she started the treatments? It couldn’t have been as bad as mine I’m sure.  By the way, she had a touch-up butt appointment right after mine last week.

Total cost of preparing for party in my early twenties:

Bus fare and one aerobics class.

Total cost of preparing for party in my early fifties:


I am looking forward to going to a party in my early eighties.  By then I figure I will go back to my early twenties routine.  I’ll be too old and tired to exercise.  I’ll drink Diet Coke again because my face will be puffy and bloated anyway.  I’ll find something in my closet to wear, and I won’t have to worry about whether my pantyhose have a run in them because I won’t be able to see it even if it’s there.

Party on.




About mallorylayne

midlife mom seeking meaning for the rest of her life.
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