Insomnia? I Have the Cure

I am not an insomniac, though I do suffer from sleep interruption sometimes, which is really bad.  After sleeping for two or three hours I wake up and then toss and turn for another two or three hours.  So frustrating! So, if you are an insomniac, or even if you just want to sleep for a longer duration, I have a solution.  Read on.

The other night after temple my husband and I went to a favorite neighborhood deli.  This is what I ate:


Lots of very mayonnaise-y (I know, not a real word) cole slaw,

A big bowl of matzo ball soup,

Half a turkey and swiss cheese sandwich with more cole slaw, on whole wheat toast, and

Lots of french fries (which really weren’t that good).

Then, my stomach so full that it hurt, I spotted a giant chocolate chip cookie with M&M’s.  I had to have it, so I bought it to go and ate about half of it on the way back downtown.

Boy did I sleep! I could barely keep my eyes open until 11 p.m., and slept until 10 a.m. the next morning.

This is how I sleep for a really long time.  I bet it will work for you too.  Eat a lot.  Eat relatively late.  Make sure to include lots of carbs.  And then, climb into bed, fluff up your pillows, watch some bad television or read a bit of a somewhat trashy novel.  Then get ready for the sleep of a lifetime.  I would not have even woken up at 10 the next morning if my husband hadn’t roused me.  There was another good hour or two in me, I felt it.  I was a bit more than a bit puffy in the eyes from all that salt, but boy was it worth it!

Think of bears, getting ready to hibernate for the winter.  That was me.

Remember, this is a cure for insomnia, or a sleep aid for those who want more sleep.  Please do not complain to me if you get fat or develop diabetes or high cholesterol.  Just thank me for snoozing.



About mallorylayne

midlife mom seeking meaning for the rest of her life.
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One Response to Insomnia? I Have the Cure

  1. lori says:

    hahahah! brilliant!

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