Someone tried to take her life a few days ago. A young, beautiful girl with so much ahead of her. Love, laughter, success, friendship.
How can you know, in your early twenties, that you want to end it all? Did anyone know that your life line had vanished, replaced only by a weakening thread?
What was going through your mind when you swallowed the pills and then took a butcher knife to both of your young, unlined, beautiful arms? And how did you feel when you woke up in the ICU, still living on this planet which you never expected to see again?
Yesterday I visited a friend who just escaped death. Surgery, recovery, a long road of rehabilitation ahead. He would have given anything for your young heart, your lithe body, your beautiful red heart.
Who decides? Why do some people struggle so hard to live while others are so miserable in their own skin that they see no reason to wake up one more time.
I thought about all of this as I ran along the Hudson River today, just moments ago actually. There were so many things that I experienced during those thirty-two minutes that were worth living for:
The breeze off the water,
The deep happy smiles that I gave to and received from other runners,
The toddlers I watched on their tiny scooters,
The new mom holding her fresh little infant against her breast,
The songs I sang out loud as I listened to them on my i-pod for the very first time,
The flowers I smelled and saw,
The thoughts of my children – one leaving for college tomorrow while the other flies back home to spend a two week vacation with me. I love both of them so deeply that I will try to live every last moment on this planet just to see them and be there for them, watch them continue to develop and change,
The grandchildren I hope to hold someday,
The husband that it took me so long to find, who makes me so happy every day,
The pilates I will take with my favorite instructor in Las Vegas this week,
The father that I haven’t seen in too long, who I will hold in my arms on Sunday night.
There is so very much to live for. I don’t even begin to touch upon it here.
Little girl who wanted to die: please decide to live. Buy a coloring book and some bright crayons and fill in the childish drawings. Create something, however small. Eat a nacho right out of the stove. Watch the Kardashians.
It’s really not that bad.