A Few Words on “The Bachelorette”

As you may have noticed, I have refrained from voicing my opinions about Emily Maynard’s final choice on “The Bachelorette”… until now. 

Arie.  I loved Arie from the minute I saw him.  It worried me that he was a race car driver, of course, considering that Emily had already lost her fiancee who was a race car driver (though, ironically, in a plane crash rather than a car crash).  I did, however, worry that she would lose Arie one day in a race car crash, and that would be too much for anyone to withstand.  That aside though, I was convinced that Arie was the right man for Emily.  Their chemistry was apparent (though she does seem like the type of girl/woman who would not let a man touch her breasts or her face or her hair… sort of like Barbie who has no genitals if you know what I mean).  Arie is adorable.  He’s gentle and handsome and smart and funny.

Jef? I didn’t even understand why he lasted through the first rose ceremony and was shocked that he is the guy that Emily ultimately chose.  Did you know that he’s a Mormon? Hello??? I’m somewhat embarrassed to admit that I just read that in People magazine on my way uptown to take my daughter to have all four of her wisdom teeth removed (ouch!).  He seems totally gay to me, but then again, so did Brad Womack.  Maybe a woman who is sexless wants to be with a gay man.  I wouldn’t know personally, as I love men — all of them.

I’m sure Jef is rich, because Emily only seems to date or get engaged to, rich guys.  I’m not at all certain what he does, but I think it has something to do with water, and I know that a guy I grew up with became very rich on water (think Smart Water… think Vitamin Water).  I know they are going to Africa.  Doesn’t seem like the beloved Little Rickie is joining them — so much for the happy little family.  I’m sure Emily will be preggers soon (think artificial insemination).

Honestly, I think Emily is a beautiful young thing and she has not been lucky in love so far.  I wish only the best for her and Jef and Little Rickie.

But my biggest wish today (other than winning the $158 million Powerball, whenever the drawing may be) is that Arie is the next bachelor! Hear me ABC?

As you may have noticed, I have refrained from voicing my opinions about Emily Maynard’s final choice on “The Bachelorette”… until now. 

Arie.  I loved Arie from the minute I saw him.  It worried me that he was a race car driver, of course, considering that Emily had already lost her fiancee who was a race car driver (though, ironically, in a plane crash rather than a car crash).  I did, however, worry that she would lose Arie one day in a race car crash, and that would be too much for anyone to withstand.  That aside though, I was convinced that Arie was the right man for Emily.  Their chemistry was apparent (though she does seem like the type of girl/woman who would not let a man touch her breasts or her face or her hair… sort of like Barbie who has no genitals if you know what I mean).  Arie is adorable.  He’s gentle and handsome and smart and funny.

Jef? I didn’t even understand why he lasted through the first rose ceremony and was shocked that he is the guy that Emily ultimately chose.  Did you know that he’s a Mormon? Hello??? I’m somewhat embarrassed to admit that I just read that in People magazine on my way uptown to take my daughter to have all four of her wisdom teeth removed (ouch!).  He seems totally gay to me, but then again, so did Brad Womack.  Maybe a woman who is sexless wants to be with a gay man.  I wouldn’t know personally, as I love men — all of them.

I’m sure Jef is rich, because Emily only seems to date or get engaged to, rich guys.  I’m not at all certain what he does, but I think it has something to do with water, and I know that a guy I grew up with became very rich on water (think Smart Water… think Vitamin Water).  I know they are going to Africa.  Doesn’t seem like the beloved Little Rickie is joining them — so much for the happy little family.  I’m sure Emily will be preggers soon (think artificial insemination).

Honestly, I think Emily is a beautiful young thing and she has not been lucky in love so far.  I wish only the best for her and Jef and Little Rickie.

But my biggest wish today (other than winning the $158 million Powerball, whenever the drawing may be) is that Arie is the next bachelor! Hear me ABC?

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About mallorylayne

midlife mom seeking meaning for the rest of her life.
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