Where’s the Fire?

My friend just called me.  He wanted advice.  He is dating a lovely woman.  He has taken her out on four really cool dates and had a great time with her.  So what’s the problem?

No sex.

And I mean NO sex.  Not even a kiss on the lips.  No little bit of frenching.  Nothing. 

He has held her hand and gotten a little lip on the cheek (the facial cheek people, don’t get all perverted on me here!). 

So what’s the problem and what should he do?

I say:

1. She’s gay,

2. She thinks he’s gay,

3. She doesn’t like sex,

4. She isn’t attracted to him,

5. She has been the victim of sexual abuse and is reticent to get intimate,

6. She is holding out because she thinks he’s “the” one,

7. She just wants to be friends but enjoys the dates…

In other words…

I have no idea! This is a very strange one.  They are not young… she’s early 40’s, he’s early 50’s.  She has no children and has never been married.  He’s divorced with two children.


My advice? Find out sooner rather than later.  I suggested asking her if he has bad breath, or if she is one of those virgins until marriage people (some of whom don’t even kiss until marriage now).  I think four generous dates is a lot.  He deserves to know if there will ever be “more”.  He wants “more”.  I think he should take her out on date number five and get the answers.  If it isn’t in the cards I think he should get back onto jdate or wherever he found her (or maybe not!) and start over again at date number one.



About mallorylayne

midlife mom seeking meaning for the rest of her life.
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