The Millionaire Matchmaker Has Gone Crazy

OMG.  I just watched back to back episodes of The Millionaire Matchmaker and I was amazed at what I saw (and I don’t mean that in a good way). 

You know that something very weird is going on with Patti Stanger.  The woman who said all women MUST have straight hair to get a man is now having her hair styled in ringlets.  So ugly.  And something seriously weird has happened to her face, though I still can’t figure out what it is.  Definitely some sort of plastic surgery, but not in a good way.  And since when did sparkly purple nail polish say sophisticated at age fifty, even in LA? I think she has lost her mind.

So… she gets a beautiful 38 year old British woman to hire her.  The woman owns pole dancing studios and is a millionaire.  She has  been married three times, the first time at the age of fifteen, to a man twice her age, the second time at twenty five to a man twice her age.  But I digress.  She has three children.  She is looking for love.

This reminds me so much of the whole Stacy Kessler fiasco.  I like Stacy.  I know her.  She is not insane, but on her two appearances of The Millionaire Matchmaker she seemed like she was certifiable.  When I asked her about it she told me she was an actress, and had been playing a role.  I am still confused.

So, enter the pole dancer.  Her name is Emma Ridley.  She is adorable.  Patti hated her looks.  Blonde hair extensions, lots of tattoos, dressing too sexy.  Fix the hair, Patti insisted.  Change the clothes, Patti insisted.  Not much you can do about the tattoos.

Hmmm… Emma was having none of it.  Why? Because she likes herself.  So what did she do? Patti found her an adorable and available man, the right age, the right everything.  He was to set up the date, which he did… stretch limo, flowers, nice sushi dinner.  His mistake? He picked her up at work, and guess what?

She danced for him.

And that was the end of him.

Poor Emma.

Poor Patti.

Poor Kelly (the adorable date who will probably never go on another blind date in his entire life, this having been his first).

So… Emma Ridley is in love with herself again, and dating herself.

Kelly is alone.

And Patti, alas, seems destined to be alone forever.  I still don’t “get” this.  The Millionaire Matchmaker who can’t get a date.  If I was Patti I would get married just for the pretense of it, you know, like Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, or the old Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman, or Calvin and Kelly Klein.  Come on Patti.  It works for so many.  Why not you? I think it would help your business.  Let me know if you want me to fix you up with someone.  I’ll arrange a mixer.  A few rules first:

No purple nail polish,

No ringlets,

Don’t show too much leg, especially when you are sitting down,

Leave your penis at the door.


About mallorylayne

midlife mom seeking meaning for the rest of her life.
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