How to Get Someone to Break Up With You

Here are some pointers for how to get out of a relationship if you’re passive/aggressive and don’t want to do it yourself.  I am going to make this about women getting men to break up with them, but feel free to change it to include men getting women to break up with them, or women getting women to break up with them or men getting men to break up with them.

Tell him that he smells bad.

Always tell him that he’s wrong, no matter what he says or does.  For instance, if he isn’t being a hands-on father tell him that he’s uninvolved, but if he does spend time with the children tell him that his choice of activities is poor.

Never have sex with him, and if you do cave in once in a blue moon, ask him often if he’s done yet as you plan the upcoming week’s menus.

Tell him that he’s getting fat.

Tell him that his clothes are ugly or outdated.

Tell him that nobody likes him and you only have social plans because people like you so they are willing to tolerate his company occasionally.

Be sure to let him know that you did like sex once, before you met him and he ruined it for you forever.

Buy as much as you possibly can, charge it to him, and then tell him that you don’t know what he’s talking about when he confronts you with the bills.

Fall asleep before he comes home from work every night.

Go out with your friends alone and get home very late, after he’s already asleep, so you won’t have to talk to him.

Plan all of your vacations without him, preferably with your children.

Be unavailable for any and all social or business plans that he invites you to, or cancel at the last minute because you’re tired, have your period, or have a migraine.

Be mean to his family but insist that he attend functions that include yours.

Tell your children terrible things about him all the time so they resent him.

Belittle him whenever possible, especially when it comes to his job.  Be sure to tell him about all the other men you know who are way more successful than him.

See all of the good movies while he’s at work or out for business dinners.

Eat dinner before him and don’t save any leftovers if you know that he is coming home early.

Put a nix on any sports or news shows being watched — ever — in the bedroom.

Suggest that he sleep on the living room couch if he wants to watch television or read after you’ve gone to sleep.

Never walk the dog.  Leave that for him when he gets home, regardless of the hour.  If he gets home late, be sure to leave the dog’s “accidents” for him to either a) step in, or b) clean up, or c) both.

If he tries to have sex with you, be sure to remind him that he smells bad.  This should include bodily smells as well as bad breath.





About mallorylayne

midlife mom seeking meaning for the rest of her life.
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4 Responses to How to Get Someone to Break Up With You

  1. Priya Singh says:

    Instead of being so mean and sly about it. Just be straight and tell him/ or her that it is not working out. Why waste all the energy on such negative thoughts? Telling somebody that they smell bad and all the other stuff is just childish. Not for grown up women and men. Just be straight forward and not waste anybody’s time.

    • mallorylayne says:

      This was not a lesson in being right. It was a commentary on how some people have treated others and then ended up alone, wondering why.

      • Susan H says:

        Hi Mallory, this post reminds me of the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 days with Kate Hudson and Matthew McConaughey. You are right, there are some people who do not have a clue how to treat their partner. I am happily married but dated several men who thought some of the actions you listed were appropriate. They were shocked when I dumped them. My husband tells me war stories of before he met me. I really thought this post was entertaining and constructive for the clueless.

      • mallorylayne says:

        Thank you soooo much! It is nice to get some positive reinforcement rather than horrible criticisms that sometimes come my way. I appreciate your feedback!!! The important thing is that you and your husband both ended up with people who treat you nicely (each other) and learned from your past relationships. My boyfriend and I have too, but there are undoubtedly many couples who live together and torture one another on a daily basis.

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