Ashley Hebert: The New “Bachelorette”

I didn’t even like Ashley very much when she was on “The Bachelor” last season as a supporting character.  Now is is starring in her own series, selecting from 25 suitors.

To be a Bachelorette is seems that you need to:

Giggle incessantly (and annoyingly),

Wear as little as possible,

Show tons of cleavage,

Say the same thing to every potential husband (for example, “I’ll see you inside!” Giggle.  Giggle again).

Ashley scared off Brad Womack, and he was hardly a prize.  Have you heard about him and Emily lately? I haven’t.  The last thing I heard was that:

They were breaking up for the nth time in a month, and simultaneously…

They were trying to have a baby together.

That makes sense, right? That way either the baby will determine whether they finally wed or Emily will have a second child to raise on her own as a never-married young woman who gets money from somewhere that remains to be seen (since her job working at a not for profit is surely not paying for that big house!).  Maybe she’s a dancer on the side? I don’t know… just a guess. 

Plus, you know I think that Brad is gay, so if they do procreate it will undoubtedly be through artificial insemination, as he wouldn’t even make out with her in her home when he visited her because her daughter was home (albeit asleep upstairs).  “But my daughter is always going to be home!” she lamented as he pushed her advances aside.  I don’t think he ever opened his mouth when he kissed any of the women who thrust themselves at him during his season.  Rumor has it that Brad and Emily and the latest in an endless stream of failed relationships resulting from “The Bachelor” and “The Bachelorette” franchise.

Ashley is supposedly a dentist.  I don’t think so.  What is she really? She is a dental student at the University of Pennsylvania (great school! I did my graduate degree there too Ash!) Will she ever finish dental school? She’s already 26 and all of this t.v. dating is surely putting a hold on her dental career. 

I will say one thing for the show though: they get to travel to some incredible places! And… now Ashley is driving the Aston Martin! These reality shows get a lot of bang for the buck.  Have you noticed that Peter Tunney’s small painting (the same one) hangs on the walls of almost every single “Real Housewife of NYC?” It’s true.  I’m a Tunney fan and I have noticed this canvas moving from the living room wall in the Countess’ East Hampton home to Cindy’s apartment in the West Village.  Must have put it in the contract when he agreed to appear on the show.  I’m probably the only person who has noticed this — or maybe not.

Ashley is a snooze, but I am watching nonetheless.  The guys are hot! Seriously hot! They range from an over-uber-educated banker to a personal trainer.  I haven’t even made it all the way through the first episode yet, though I have tuned in three times now.  Slow and steady.  Hopefully I can finish before next week’s episode airs.  But, whatever, there’s always tivo.


About mallorylayne

midlife mom seeking meaning for the rest of her life.
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