When Calories Don’t Count

Calories don’t count when:

1) They aren’t listed. 

For instance, Starbuck’s lowfat cakes were dietetic until they started printing their calories on their display cards.  Now you will get fat if you eat them.  Another great example of this is movie popcorn.  If you eat a large tub (by yourself) and you don’t realize that it has 1,200 calories you will wake up a pound thinner the next day.  However, if you go to one of those movie theatres where they now list the calories you will have gained three.

2) You’re on an airplane.

This may sound strange, but I have eaten nonstop on seven hour flights and never gained an ounce.  The air is a “no gain” territory.  Maybe this is why flight attendants are usually thin.  Maybe I should start a diet business for frequent fliers.  Sounds like a win-win.

3) They’re consumed early in the day.

Get up early and start stuffing your mouth, but finish by 7 p.m. latest.  It is those late night binges that show up around your middle before you know what is happening.

4) You’re an athlete.

If you’re training (especially for a marathon or a triathalon) you can basically eat whatever you want.  This goes for most professional athletes too.  Anyway, muscle weighs more than fight, right? Everybody knows that.

5) You are growing.

I am not talking about growing sideways people.  I mean growing taller, as in maturing, having a growth spurt.  This is primarily for children and teenagers who are so busy going through puberty and changing in so many other ways that calories don’t have time to be absorbed.  One caveat though: this is not so for teenage girls who have basically stopped growing taller (at least much taller). 

6) You’re bulimic.

If you throw up within five minutes of eating you will not gain weight.

(Just kidding.  I couldn’t resist that one.  Bulimics and anorexics of the world, please don’t take offense.)

7) It doesn’t taste good.

If you didn’t enjoy it surely you aren’t responsible for the calories.


About mallorylayne

midlife mom seeking meaning for the rest of her life.
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