Here are the top reasons why we pay therapists:
1) They make us cry and have endless supplies of tissues (which seemingly appear out of thin air),
2) We can tell them “anything” and not have it thrown back in our faces later on (thanks Mom — I am talking to you),
3) They have no agendas or ulterior motives (at least involving us),
4) We can bore them as much as we want because they’re getting paid for it,
5) They keep us from driving our loved ones crazy, thereby saving our families, friendships, and love relationships,
6) They can really keep secrets, so we can tell them shocking things about our lovers, our dreams, our fears and insecurities,
7) They keep copious notes and always remember everything we have told them (even if they are cramming for five minutes in between sessions to keep our deranged familial social networks in order),
8) We don’t know anything about them and we really don’t want to (even if we think we do and spend hours looking their addresses up in phone directories, searching for their childrens names, faces and ages in school directories, wondering if they are they married/gay/divorced/widowed/happy/miserable),
9) If we see them in public they will pretend they don’t know us (I am still partially traumatized from the time I saw my therapist with her daughter in the Washington Market Park one weekend about fifteen years ago, although she was the one who ran off with her tail between her legs),
10) Because it makes us feel so much better.
Who cares if they’re all crazy in their own lives? We don’t have to worry about them, now do we?
I’m sorry… our time for today has run up. That will be $225 please.