Man up for Spring

Men… take note.  You need to fix yourselves up right away.  Spring is just around the corner.  Please beware of the following:

Pedicures: these are not just for women any more.  Your feet need pampering just as much as ours.  Leave the polish off, but get scrubbed, rubbed, trimmed, filed, moisturized and massaged.  And please, do not wear sandals if your feet are disgusting.  Nobody wants to look at your long scraggly toenails or your pale hairy toes.  And don’t wear Tevas unless you’re hiking.  Not a good look.

Manscaping: If you grew facial hair this winter shave it off now.  It is not attractive on anyone.  We understand that you were freezing all winter and wanted to protect your sensitive skin, but we are ready to see your beautiful faces again.  You have two days to say goodbye.

Hairs protruding from your nose (nostrils or outside of nose) and ears is disgusting and could be a serious deal breaker if you’re trying to meet someone.  If you can’t see, get a magnifying mirror.  Get a nose hair trimmer — they’re about $10 at Duane Reade — use tweezers, scissors, whatever you’re comfortable with — but get those hairs off.  And they need maintenance men.  Doing it once is not sufficient.

Don’t take your shirt off in public unless you’re at the beach or a pool.  Running with your shirt off is a no-no unless you are under 25 and have at least a six-pack.  You can’t be that hot… and if you are that’s good.  You will probably sweat off some more of that fat if you leave your shirt on.

Don’t be a hairy gorilla.  If you have terrible body hair have it trimmed or waxed or lasered.  The Robin Williams look was never in but it’s particularly out now.

Get a facial.  Blackheads are gross, and now that the sun will be shining brighter and longer they will be a lot more visible.

Don’t wear shorts with socks.  Ever.


About mallorylayne

midlife mom seeking meaning for the rest of her life.
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