Dieting is such a bore. When you’re trying to lose weight almost nothing tastes (or even looks) good, leaving the dieter feeling cranky and hungry and sorry for him or herself. This is understandable. I have dieted myself, and certainly know the struggles of choosing a sticking to a certain regimen. It is not easy, and it is not fun, but it is also not interesting to anybody but you.
Please stop talking about your dieting America! I am so sick of seeing cover stories in magazines and television shows touting people who have lost 25, 100, 200 or even 400 pounds. Nobody cares. We weren’t there to watch you shoving your faces with cakes and ice cream and potato chips and Taco Bell and whatever else you indulged in to get yourself into such bad shape in the first place, so why should we have to watch you suffer to lose it? We didn’t make you eat all of those delicious things, but hearing about that would have been a lot more entertaining than reading about your egg white omelets with parsley and your dry skinless grilled chicken (no sauce, sorry) now that you have decided to finally take it off.
There are shows and stories galore about:
Couples who are engaged to be married and are trying to lose weight before they walk down the aisle,
Stomach surgeries to lose weight and girth without dieting,
People competing for prizes if they lose the most relative weight,
and so much more.
We are obsessed with dieting in this country, because we are a fat country. Did you know that almost two-thirds of Americans are now overweight or obese? These extra pounds are responsible for about 17% of all deaths in the United States today. People should be on diets if they have let themselves go, but I say that they should do it more quietly.
Yes, talk about your diet to your nutritionist. Of course, detail your portions and weekly weight losses at your Weight Watchers or Jenny Craig meetings. But nobody else wants to hear about it.
You’re boring your children, your spouses, your friends and your co-workers when you detail everything you have eaten for the past three days. The oatmeal made with water instead of milk, the salads with almost no oil in the dressing, the apple slices that weren’t baked and served in a pie crust with Haagen Daaz vanilla melted on top. This is not interesting people. In fact, it is outright dull. If you look at your audience you may notice that their eyes have glazed over (if they haven’t already fallen asleep, in which case their eyes would be closed).
You got fat. Y-o-u. Not us. So please stop telling us about your ten minute walks on the treadmill and your celery stick snacks. We didn’t make you get fat and we don’t want to suffer as much as you are while you lose it.
We support you. We want you to slim down and look better, be healthier. But we have our own problems to deal with every day. Also, you probably haven’t noticed this, but most thin people never ate like you did to begin with and we haven’t been complaining to you forever, have we?
Think of the gorgeous and perfectly built models and actors that we all know and love. They barely eat at all when they’re working. Do you hear them complaining about it? Many of them are hungry all the time. That’s right, hungry. Not just dissatisfied with what they’re eating but downright starving. Imagine them while you’re sadly sucking on the little slices of your morning grapefruit half (dreaming of waffles with bacon and scrambled eggs, floating in melted butter and .
And please, please, please don’t gain it all back again. Oprah, Kirstie Alley and Valerie Bertinelli are dieting yo-yos, rotating wardrobes as they go up and down on the scale. Diet companies pay these people to act as role models for their companies, and even they get fat right after their contracts expire. And then we have to hear it all over again when they decide to sign up with another company, or even to launch their own diet lines (what a joke Kirstie — you selling diet products?).
I happen to think that Kirstie Alley is hysterically funny, but the weight thing is really not all that interesting, especially because she never really gets thin and she always gains back even more than she has lost. Maybe her foray onto “Dancing With the Stars” will be the key to her becoming thin and healthy. Based on her dance workout on her television show, I will be shocked, but I am definitely cheering for her.
I just don’t want to hear about it afterwards.